Quickie mention on Child Dawkins

on missing school through illness;

"Don't worry Mum. It's only Benediction today, and me'n'Ella only play I-Spy in church 'cos it's dead boring."

So, for learning she will carry herself off to school while she has breath in her body and a pulse in her veins. But for religion? Nah.

Not much chance she'll make first woman cardinal at this rate.

Being Jesus is not a promotion

Nothing on Child Dawkins for ages...then 3 come along at once.

Which means we are due one more, but this is a good one and she'll have to go some way to beat this.

Sacramental programme is in full swing, and they've just cast for a Reconciliation play. Means nothing to me, raised as a CofE kid, but Neet assures me it's a big deal.

After the misery of being cast as a Christmas tree in the Nativity, Child Dawkins hoped for better.

She came flying in, indignant.

"Who are you playing then?"
"JESUS!"

At this point her Catholic father brims over with pride, but her mother perceives this ain't the deal it seems.

"Isn't that good?" (mother dons tin hat, and retreats to safe distance)

"NO! I only get two lines! Bethany, who is a pig*, gets one line. And Katy, who can't even read, gets a whole paragraph!"

Oh dear. She's learn the highlighter to the script trick.

Later, when she'd calmed down a bit, she explained that apparently, she will be doing more acting than speaking. But this child knows how to use words, and she wasn't afraid of a page full of them.


* I wasn't sure if Bethany was a pig of a child, or a child playing a pig. She's playing a pig.

Hellfire awaits...

the wonderful Child Dawkins.

She wanted to play the good old-fashioned Elastics game with her teddy bear. Don't say 'awww', she's seriously competitive and wanted to do some training at home, all the better to conquer the playground.

She couldn't find her Bratz elastics anywhere. So she improvised...with 4 sets of rosary beads, including a set from Rome.

We can only guess that the Vatican beads had not been blessed, as the house has not been struck by lightning.

Owwwwccchhhh......

Neet, the mother of Child Dawkins, has been back with more tales from the madhouse.

She's just given us a graphic description of The Eldest's first attempt at shaving. There are several bath towels that will never be the same again...

Child Dawkins trapped her in the car and asked about the Immaculate Conception. Apparently it's "just a phrase she's heard at school." She is trying to find out whether Mary actually wanted the Baby Jesus, or not. Bit harsh to give a baby to someone who doesn't want it, in her view. So God had better have a good explanation for that one.

Youngest is developing a wide vocabulary and a mischievous streak. He has started a campaign to liberate one of his nursery assistants from nappy changing duties. He's toddling round saying "Why's it your turn again? Why's it her turn again, Miss?. It's always her turn." Chanting this as a mantra, the little Botticelli cherub careers round the nursery causing uproar in the work force. Mostly hysterical laughter, but we could have a baby social reformer on our hands. His baby pictures will look lovely in the biography.

And what about Santa?

Neet, the mother mentioned in the previous post, now has another problem.

The Eldest is a lovely child, apart from the usual teenage strops. Child Dawkins is still an atheist, but it's the youngest who's causing a stir now.

He is scared Father Christmas in any shape or form.

Neet had been checking out suitable venues for his first meeting with Santa, but the nursery he attends had already sorted out a guest appearance. She arrived at nursery to find Youngest in floods of tears.

"I don't like Santor, he's 'orrible" (proper little Manc, is Youngest).

Youngest is 2, going on 15 and normally a robust and happy little soul, who missed seeing Santa last year because Neet couldn't trust him to behave in the queue. Child Dawkins tried to help him out.

"It's only someone helping, he doesn't sound anything like the real Santa."

She might not know the Voice of God, but she knows her Santa. Sounds a lot like Grandad...

That old-time religion...

is proving a bit of a problem for a colleague.

Her daughter is 5, highly intelligent and inquistive. She is also attending a Catholic school, which is a problem for a child who does not believe in God.

She's made several attempts to get her mother to 'fess up about the non-existence of God. Despairingly, the colleague pointed out she could discuss it with Father A.

Child was having none of it. "But he's bound to say God exists Mum," (icy stare to parent) "that's his job." Her opening gambit to Father A was "I'm having real issues with this." She agreed to give them all the benefit of the doubt, her friends are at the same school and she wanted to audition (!) for the Nativity play. Her mum tried to point out that it wasn't that formal, but she carried on regardless. She's a very High School Musical sort of gal.

But the new-found faith has been tested, and finished off completely. In the Nativity play, the blonde curls and general cuteness made her a strong contender for any sort of angel. She's been cast as a Christmas tree.

"I know it's important for Christmas but it's nothing to do with God, is it? Have you ever seen a singing tree in church? Trees don't sing. He doesn't exist, does he?"

I would send a bit of Richard Dawkins round for her, but she's probably read it by now.