Santa Fun Run

You all know the saying 'Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.'

It should have a twin, to cover the eventuality of getting into trouble by sounding enthusiastic about something, because some idiot will think you want to join in.

Obviously, if they were discussing anything that involved fine wine, fine chocolate, etc, I would be there. No so keen on alligator-wrestling and 24-hour X-factor marathons.

So when my sister was talking about the Santa Fun Run around Old Trafford on December 14, I said I'd seen it advertised and it sounded like fun. In a 'watch other people get hot and sweaty for nothing' sort of way. In a 'head for the food & drink stalls and see if anyone famous turns up' way.

Next thing I know, she's sorted out a sponsor form (me, her, young Tyler and Bailey!) for the family race. Full team lineup below









And I get to wear a Santa suit :(

the shark in the picture is not my sister, she is the hand pointing at it - my sister is too fierce to be a shark...

Being Jesus is not a promotion

Nothing on Child Dawkins for ages...then 3 come along at once.

Which means we are due one more, but this is a good one and she'll have to go some way to beat this.

Sacramental programme is in full swing, and they've just cast for a Reconciliation play. Means nothing to me, raised as a CofE kid, but Neet assures me it's a big deal.

After the misery of being cast as a Christmas tree in the Nativity, Child Dawkins hoped for better.

She came flying in, indignant.

"Who are you playing then?"
"JESUS!"

At this point her Catholic father brims over with pride, but her mother perceives this ain't the deal it seems.

"Isn't that good?" (mother dons tin hat, and retreats to safe distance)

"NO! I only get two lines! Bethany, who is a pig*, gets one line. And Katy, who can't even read, gets a whole paragraph!"

Oh dear. She's learn the highlighter to the script trick.

Later, when she'd calmed down a bit, she explained that apparently, she will be doing more acting than speaking. But this child knows how to use words, and she wasn't afraid of a page full of them.


* I wasn't sure if Bethany was a pig of a child, or a child playing a pig. She's playing a pig.

A quick update on the Child Dawkins

Meant to post this a few weeks back but didn't get the chance.

Child Dawkins is at that stage where she is being prepared for her Confirmation next year.

Recently she was off school at the end of a week, and halfway through the following week made a big fuss of choosing a set of rosary beads from her collection.

The same collection used in the Elastics incident of 18 March. Apparently, they were to practise with their rosary beads each day, in a special class.

A thought struck Neet. "How did you manage Monday and Tuesday? Did you borrow some?"

Child Dawkins was honest, then indignant.

"No I hid behind the statue of the Virgin Mary and pretended I had them in my hands.*mimes working through her rosary* And do you know what, Mum, that Mrs Jones never checked, not once!"

So which is the bigger sin, miming your Hail Marys or not checking on your charges?

Discuss

A bit different from a bat up your nightie

I wouldn't say I worked in a wildlife haven.

Sure, since they've started to landscape round us, all the birds are back and we have an abundance of creepy-crawlies. But I didn't really expect to see a bat in one of our training rooms. Zooming around in perfect circles, desperate to escape.

I know that feeling.

Poor critter. Instead of closing the door and leaving it in peace, I made the mistake of yelling out that there was a bird in the training room. This was before I realised that it couldn't be a bird - birds produce more noise and more shit when alarmed.

The new girl decided to catch the critter by trying to drop a tea-towel on it. The sensible creature retreated to the top of a 2-metre door and folded up very tightly. In the meantime we folded down a partition door, to offer it an escape route outside, and called the RSPCA.

And here's where I did the cruel thing. I offered to stay while the RSPCA came but one of my most hateful colleagues wanted the kudos and brownie points from dealing with the bat crisis. So I left her to it - because I knew she'd be really pissed off to miss the CSI catch-up on Five. She lives out in the wilds, travels by train and is pathetically excited by the fact she can now get Sky as her husband has relented and said they could have it. She couldn't get any Five signal before.

WTF???! Couldn't she arrange her own installation and direct debit?

So I am really, really sorry, and I can't apologise to the bat population enough, but Tweedledum wanted it more than me, so I left the poor creature in her care.

Just thank God she prefers CSI to Ozzy Osbourne...