Freshers Week

I am not alone in my views on Freshers Week.

Lisa works just across the road, and submitted this earlier.

She writes better than me! I just grumble. But here's an example of the irritating little ******** on the hoof.

Waiting at traffic lights, lights on green, traffic coming:

"Hey dudes, let's cross the road."

Saddoes, does anyone say dude anymore, I mean if they are under 30? You all look at least 12 years old, broaden your vocabulary! And please feel free to walk into oncoming traffic, unless we are still waiting for you to pay your fees.

They troll across in a little gang, yelling and screaming. Copping the scornful looks from the older students:

"Are you looking at us because we're lesbians?"

Lesbians?? In Manchester?? How novel! Bloody 'ell, what next? Elektrickery, and dogs that aren't whippets??

They go off on a long discussion about the collective noun for lesbians, a word that has to be delivered at highest volume. I feel deeply sorry for the staff of Vanilla. It's a fair bet they've been mentioned in the Freshers Guide.

At some point they dodge round me, and suddenly I feel amused, and sorry. The haircuts are right, as are the facial piercings, but they all look too new. They've legged it into Rambo's the minute they've realised they won't see Ma and Pa til Xmas. The outfits are, again, acceptable but too new. Right up to last week, they were the podgy boring swotty kids, who've made the grades, accepted the offer and run away to re-invent themselves. They truly think that the bravado, being pierced and gay is the best way to upset their parents, it's worth the fresh bright-pink wounds they sport. And how can money spent in Affleck's ever be a waste?

They just want someone to be shocked by them. They are in completely the wrong city.